AGEING GRACEFULLY

I tend to consider myself very observant. So on this certain occasion, I am leaving town. I board the matatu, more like a Noah and sit by the window. A few minutes later, in comes a woman. She is rather old. She has shades of white and black hair on her head. Some time back, I had a problem with how the old people smell but blame it on ageing; I no longer mind it as much. She sits down and sets her bag on her laps. I am about to put on my ear phones when she stands up again. She turns and pulls her dress then sits down. Let me describe her to you. She is in a long yellow flowered dress flowing to the ground. She has worn a pair of long socks and ankle boots. Her bag is rather old. It’s of white leather. After she seats down again I let out a silent sigh. I get ready to put my earphones again but a certain noise stops me. She had opened her bag and popped open a glass bottle of what looked like a blackcurrant. I am very tempted to laugh out loud but I stifle back my laughter. She struggles to find a straw in her back and out comes a wrinkled straw. I want to give her mine but then I think twice. She peels it with her mouth as she holds on tight to her bottle. When she is done, she pops it inside the bottle. The bottle is hidden inside the bag and all that I can see is the straw peeping out. She takes one long sip, gurgles and swallows it with a loud noise. I am trying not to look at her so I put in to action the art of the side glance. I want to ignore her but she does this one thing that makes me burst out so loudly. She removes a polythene bag that has a piece of ugali inside. She bites it and sips on her soda without a worry in the world. I laugh out so loud that people in the car turn to look at me. I pretend that it was a text that made me laugh. My old woman eats it and finishes with a loud belch. She closes her bag, folds her arms and falls asleep that is after telling me to wake her up when we get to where she is alighting. It hits me that one day we shall l get to that point. We shall be very shameless and very little shall make us embarrassed. Myself, I will age gracefully. My dressing shall be unique. Eating ugali in a car? No thank you. I think people need to take care of their grannies. Make sure that whatever she has in her bag is safe to eat and that it is well packed. Remember that one turn deserves another. You too shall have teens laughing at you.

NOW YOU ARE GONE…

She was pretty, polite and very young. A combination of characteristics that is hard to come by in young adults of this century. I am not saying this because she is gone, everyone can attest to this. She was decent and stylish. Come to think of it, she was almost perfect. I never did cross her bad side so I will not say that she was perfect. She had dimples, and long hair. She was wild, I will agree but not even once did I hear of a scandal she was involved in. unlike the famous pretty ladies in campus, she did not mind sitting next to anyone in class. She would not make you wake up from your seat just because you are sitting next to the crowd of her friends. She was the kind to visit you just because she heard you were sick and you are in the same class. She was a model. Her pictures are all over. She had been coming to school when tragedy struck at 4am. She had been seating in the co-driver’s seat when the accident went down. According to the reports, she was badly injured and she was rushed to hospital. She spent the next few days in an induced coma in the ICU. The fellow comrades who went to see her would only come back with sad news. After a few days, we were told that she could now move her limbs. We all waited for the next piece of news we would receive. We were told that she would have to undergo two more surgeries. As I sat in my room going through the whatsapp messages I was relieved that she was doing much better. I only wished we would each take a piece of what she was going through because then she would heal in the snap of fingers. Every day I begged God to spare her life. I kept thinking how young and full of life she was. On that Sunday, I made it to church early enough and got down on my knees giving a special prayer for her. For the first time in that whole period I shed tears. I kept asking God to forgive her and to take away the pain. I prayed that after the surgeries she would be moved to the ward. We began our exams on the following day. As we left the exam room, we were hit by the news that she had passed away. The thing about me, I take some time to load what I am told. It was only after we parted ways with my friend did the thought of this sweet girl come to me. I suddenly realized what I had been told. I did my shopping and made my way to the butchery. As I stood there waiting for the butcher to pack the meat, I saw a woman. I rushed outside to look at her. My heart was racing and my legs shook. I bent and held onto my knees as a dizzy spell took me. I could have sworn I had seen my dead mother. The butcher called out to me and I picked up the meat. I hurriedly walked back to my place. Had I just hallucinated? As I walked, I kept asking God to give me the grace not to question his actions. Sometimes He does things that are beyond us. In my confused state of mind, I found myself feeling mad at this girl. What was her problem? Why couldn’t d she hold on for a while longer. Her parents will never get over this. At her candle lighting, her best friend was hurting. She was crying and you could see that her heart was tearing in to pieces. As I sat there in the night, I debated whether or not to light a candle for her. I have a problem with the dead. I sometimes think they are the most selfish people. They just leave without a warning. We are left unable to figure out how to get past it as they rest in peace. Nevertheless, I lit a candle for her. As I did so, I wished her all the best. I told her to be a good gone soul. I could almost picture her in white garments hovering at us. Sweet girl be at peace. You will be really missed. I can assure you will not be forgotten. In our hearts you shall remain. It will be hard on you family especially but they shall be okay eventually. Do rest in peace now that your work was done according to God. We love you, I love you. Till we meet again.

MAN PERIODS

Have you ever come across a man who, under normal circumstances is always very sweet and understanding but on this day he is in a very foul mood for days? He seems to be in search of an argument, picking up fights in the club, wrinkling his nose at the food you just warmed for him. Another one will even bark at the cat for stepping on him. This man will have a scrunched up face like the statue of Dedan Kimathi. He will keep making the ‘NKT’ sounds over and over again until you want to explode. My man will happen to talk rudely when to me even when I ask an innocent question. There is also that other one who will hit you so unexpectedly that the both of you stand there in stupor until he storms away. This kind of a man likes to break things or throw things around. He is the kind thay cuts his finger away when he is chopping the meat unwillingly. I also discovered that there is the one who will get drunk and cry in your arms as he rants on and on about his troubles or he is probably mourning for his car or how badly he is treated by his boss. This man will beg you not to ever leave him. He will confess of his jealousy when he sees men looking at you or of the many man friends that you have in your phone another one will be stubborn. He will grumble about everything; “oh! The water is not hot enough. Oh! The food is too salty. Oh! The shirt is not well ironed. This man will drive you insane. There is nothing that you do at the moment is good enough. Then there is the one who will be in bliss. He will come and sweep you into his arms and swing you kissing your forehead over and over again. This kind of a man will also dance all the crazy moves you have ever seen. He will look like he is drunk but he does not have even a drop of liquor in his body. He is the man who will buy some funny dress that he thinks will look good on you just because he saw some bimbo looking glamorous in it or some six inch heels that he has always admired on other women but he has always been afraid to ask you to wear the for him. He will even volunteer to cook and to rub your feet. This man will make you smiling all this while. Does this kind of behavior make you wonder I he is having an affair? Worry not my dear; he is just going through his man periods. These come minus the menses. He is having high levels of oestrogen in his system. These tend to counteract his testosterone and hence the insane behavior that you will notice he has. The next time this happens, sit back and abide with him. He too does the same for you when you are in one of your episodes of mood swings.

A LETTER TO MY MUM

Hi mom, how is it where you are? I keep wondering what form you took. Are you like dressed in white? Do you walk around earth watching over us? I have so many questions for you. If only where you are has as good technology as here. I would call you almost every night urging you to follow my blog and like my pics on instagram. Sometimes I wonder if you are stalking me and keeping tabs on me. Here on earth, life has really changed. I was forced to grow up overnight. I have made very many mistakes as I tried to find my path. I can tell you it hasn’t been easy. Most times I feel like I don’t belong to anyone. I get so lonely that suicidal thoughts overtake my mind. You were always there whenever I needed you. Dad is not the same anymore. Yes he did re-marry but he has this sadness in his eyes that is quite easy to see. I sometimes cry for him because I have not been there for him. Home is not the same either. There is a new woman in town. Thank God she is nothing like you. We have had both good and bad times with her but I try to be nice. I know you would have wanted me to be nice and to respect her. You should see your house, ha-ha, it is nothing like you ever dreamed of I can assure you. My room is the only room that still holds the memories. Sadly, your lovely wardrobe has a new owner too. Your other children are still pushing on with life. They are all doing okay. Did you know you have a grandson? Yes mom, we now have a boy in the family after so long. Young babies are being born and sometimes I tend to ask myself if I will see you in anyone of them. We have grown very close, all of us. My sisters are taking care of me very well even when I stray, especially your eldest. The firs grand child is already in school, another one is a miss diva while another I all naughty and sweet at the same time. I am doing very well in school finally. I finally settled. Aunty has been there whenever I need her. I am working hard to get that degree that we both dreamt of. I am just really mad at you for leaving before you saw me graduate. Now who do you think will stand in your place by my side? All the plans we made for that day? Anyway, we shall have a bone to chew when I see you again. I will tell you more when I write again. Make sure to drop in on my dreams sometime, I miss our chats. You should not worry yourself about me, I am a woman now and I will do you proud. Pass my love to your now soul friends. Oh and BTW, I borrowed you black skirt and your red coat; you know the pretty one that you used to love wearing? I re-sized them and I trend in them now. I miss you so much. I would have my tattoo removed if that old give me a chance to see you again. I love you so much ma.
Sign
Your little bird.

PRETTY HURTS

She taped on the share button on her phone and shared her pic on Instagram. She sat in anxiety waiting to see how many likes she would get. Her best friend was the first to like it followed by her cousin. Those were two likes in an hour. Her heart beat fast as she tried to swallow the tears that were threatening to gush out. She switched off her phone for a minute thinking that on switching it on again, she would find more likes. Well she did but only five more. That gave her a total of seven likes in like two hours. She started going through other photos wondering how people hit about 100 or more likes and that was when it dawned on her. The next day she had her neighbor over and she posed for semi- nude photos of herself and voila! She hit 347 likes in an hour. She sat back smiling with satisfaction. As she kept tabs on others, she spotted someone with 704 likes and she was greedy for more. She then realized this one had a skinny boy with a really flat tummy. She started on her dieting. She ate nothing for three days and when the hunger pangs kicked in, she downed a glass of body powder. She would stuff cotton wool inside her with the intention of lying to her stomach. She did indeed loose a few kilos and her tummy showed signs of reducing but she was not satisfied. She wanted a lighter skin and a bigger ass and a bigger bosom. She hit the internet and got to searching for ways. She found a place where she could afford to get some adjustments. Shots of silicon were filled into her ass and into her boobs and she was all new looking like a blessed ‘Luhya’. She bought a few lighteners and her journey bigger. After three months she was all transformed. She could now get over a thousand likes both virtually and physically. In the year that followed trouble came. Her skin started reacting to the UV rays due to lack of melanin. On her large behind popped and she collapsed. The sirens woke me up and together with the neighbors we rushed to see what had happened. We later visited her in hospital after she went through multiple surgeries. To get the cotton wool out of her stomach, the silicon fillings out her butt and boobs. She was doing well and went to counseling sessions but the depression drove her to suicide. It is true that we all want to look beautiful but natural beauty cannot compare to artificial beauty. Those who cannot love you as you are might as well just drop dead. Every time you look into that mirror, you should be happy about what you are looking at. If you are not, who do you blame for it?

MY GENERLESS SOCIETY

I am the open minded part of the society. The part that believes that we are living in a genderless society. I don’t believe in coincidences but this was an incident that struck me as very interesting. i joined my fellow comrades in boarding a matatu to town. i carried a novel because my school several kilometers away from town. So i get comfortable next to the driver and sit staring at the bodaboda people, thoughtlessly. After having paid my fare, a woman takes the driver’s seat. Am not all that concerned until she starts screaming obscene things in Kalenjin.well am not a Kalenjin but having lived with them, i have picked up a few words. She is shouting at a man to get his ugly bottoms out of her way. it is only when we hit the road do i realize that she is the driver. it is a common idiosyncrasy that women never drive at a speed higher than 50km/hr. my friend, this one must have been driving at around 200km/hr. because i could have sworn that the wind was for a moment surprised too. When i alighted, i had to first sit down and let my heart relax after which i started walking towards the mall. As i was leaving the main stage, there was a woman yelling for passengers and scrambling for them to board her matatu. I actually stood to look at her awed, almost admiring her were it not for the bit about hooliganism. I walk away shaking my head thinking to myself, how did life get so interesting. I was meeting my friend from the west for lunch .as i got to the mall, a car caught my eye. It is not very common to see hummers being driven around in town. I am about to tear my gaze away when the door opens and out steps a woman. She is wearing a pair of sunglasses and a big floppy summer hat. I almost let out a loud ‘TF’. She was the least bit concerned about the attention she was attracting. She locks the door and sways her hips into the mall. By Jove, i have never seen this before. I realize am staring and hurriedly walk to the mall. I see my friend seated in a booth and i join her. As we are having our chit chat and sipping away the milk shakes, the same woman catches my eye. She is seated at a booth alone, smoking a cigar, did i say a cigar? Blowing smoke into the air like those big-bellied men who feel that they own the world. She is also seeping away some whiskey, i could this from the color. I point this out to my friend who also joins me in staring at this 21st centenarian woman.at this point; i got to reflect on the notion about being miss independent. What could be causing this? Some could reason that it is the kind of men we have in the society. The lying, cheating irresponsible bastards that the world has reduced the men to be or it could the women education and rights that has got them thinking that they run the world. It is sad that we no longer have men or women. Just males and females. This is because the males have now taken up the women roles; gay men, men dating cougars, males forced to act like mothers to their children and on the other hand we have the women taking up the man roles; she males, politicians and the likes. Something that women need to understand is that as much as they keep up with this charade they can never ejaculate and men as much as they act like women they can never carry babies inside them.in my opinion people need to go back to the drawing board to learn what their roles are. I am worried that come next century, i will have a problem distinguishing a male from a female. Who knows, there shall be some scientific experiment on how women can grow balls.

THE FOUR BOTTLES IN LIFE

I recently saw a picture, that caught my attention. It was pointing out that in life we go through four bottles. The milk bottle, a bottle of soda, a bottle of beer and eventually the other saline bottle. This picture got me thinking, this is exactly how life is basically. When you are born, life is quite easy. Everything is handed to you. You have very little to worry about other than finishing your homework, making sure you carry a handkerchief to school and probably how you will celebrate important days in your life. you enter teenage, where you are introduced to the bottle of soda. At this stage, you are like gas enclosed in a container waiting to gush out and cause mayhem and be heard. It is at this stage in life when ‘unamea pembe’. Luckily this is a short period. You still have very little to worry about; what to wear, the red visitors, the body changes, being cool, knowing the coolest trending dance moves and all that. Without realizing it, you enter one the toughest stage yet, he young adult. It is at this point you are introduced to the bottle of beer legally. One struggles to make the transition from teenage to maturity. Feelings of responsibility kick in. all you want to do is break away from your parents and start a life. The lessons and the mistakes made can either make or break you. The question of ‘how did life get so complicated?’ runs in your mind. Slowly you usher in adulthood and it is only when children are at your doorstep do you realize that life is passing by you. Most people start doing ‘fun’ things claiming that they are trying to re-live what had passed by them. Just like that you near your final bottle. At this point, some are regretting and some are smiling and feeling proud of themselves as the saline drip runs in their veins. This is generally speaking. There are exceptions and accidents that happen in between nevertheless; this made me realize that life is not as complicate. Everything is what we choose it to be. I call it the free-will.